Being an Actor: Auditions, Superman Style: 'Ok, so maybe we actors don’t always have an audition a day, but there will be the occasional rush of casting traffic once every blue moon. My record on the tube is 7 hours in one day, zipping (or traipsing more like) from one corner of the city to the other..'

Ok, so maybe we actors don’t always have an audition a day, but there will be the occasional rush of casting traffic once every blue moon. My record on the tube is 7 hours in one day, zipping (or traipsing more like) from one corner of the city to the other and, as it is drummed into us during acting infancy – we must treat every audition as we would a job interview because effectively, that is exactly what it is.

The only problem with that philosophy though, is that these particular “job interviews” all require extremely differing, and often quite bonkers dress codes.  You must at least suggest the character you are going for in what you wear. A period drama could probably do with some ringlets and a smattering of lace at the very least, whereas bleak futurism such as The Road would see one well-placed in a potato sack and full-length beard (quite an achievement for any actress).  Now I’m not saying that I even get the chance at such blockbuster auditions, but you catch my drift I hope. So what’s the solution?

Lindsey Marshal once advocated that you simply get to know your London loo locations like the back of your hand. If you’re not too swept away by the romance of that last statement, I will explain. Another golden rule of auditioning is that you must not, under fear of mutilation, be late. You must not even be on time; you must of course, be early. Now, when you do have say five auditions in one day, this is no walk in the park as it is (unless you happen to be strutting the boards either side of St. James’ for example), but turning up looking vaguely like a Britney wannabe after having chanced your Regan an hour earlier is even more of an ask; there’s simply no time. Best thing then, advises Ms. Marshal is to pull a ‘superman’ in the nearest convenience and then hobble to your audition for the last few hundred yards in those impossibly vertiginous heels / impossibly attractive skull cap that Britney would so advocate (depending on stage of career and/or meltdown).

It’s not glamorous, and people do often think you’re taking an inordinately long time in the lav for one suspect reason or another, but there you have it. Of course, the recession has meant that this rushed loo approach has been less of a reality for many performers, but I advise that we keep our heads held high and dream of the halcyon days to come where Equity diaries will highlight strategic loo costuming points on their west-end map indexes, and where we will all actually use them for this purpose. Just imagine the tour guide possibilities... and this is where Kimberley Walsh slathered on the green face paint before auditioning for her West End debut in Shrek... well, no I’m sure she didn’t but it is an entertaining notion.